The other night, I was having dinner with some friends in a fairly decent restaurant and was at the very peak of my form as a wit and raconteur. But just as, with infinite and exquisite tantalizations, I was approaching my punch line, the most incredible thing happened. A waiter appeared from nowhere, leaned right over my shoulder and into the middle of the conversation, seized my knife and fork, and started to cut up my food for me. Not content with this bizarre behavior, and without so much as a by-your-leave, he proceeded to distribute pieces of my entree onto the plates of the other diners.
No, he didn't, actually. What he did instead was to interrupt the feast of reason and flow of soul that was our chat, lean across me, pick up the bottle of wine that was in the middle of the table, and pour it into everyone's glass. And what I want to know is this: How did such a barbaric custom get itself established, and why on earth do we put up with it?
Sep 29, 2011
Stop this barbaric custom!
One of my favorite columns:
Two things I love best
Nerd humor: http://i.imgur.com/OXzJG.jpg
Don't you just love that guy?
EDIT: Another classic Marshall moment - doing stand up
Sep 28, 2011
Sep 27, 2011
Avocado - dog's greatest enemy
According to the Merck Veterinary Manual, feeding avocados to your pets or any other animal should be avoided at all costs. Animals such as cattle, horses, goats, rabbits, birds, dogs, cats, and even fish can be severely harmed or even killed if they consume the leaves, bark or fruit of the avocado tree.
Sep 23, 2011
Email of the week
On Sep 23, 2011 9:35 AM, you wrote:
not answering emails from europeans anymore? dat's racist
On Fri, Sep 23, 2011 at 11:20 AM, Johnny Castle replied:
I was listening to Ahmadinejad's latest speech, which said the only model left for a functioning society is Iran. Since Europe is kind of passe at this point, I figured I'd find some Persian friends.
Actually, I didn't get your message until after I left for practice in SF. Didn't get home until 2am. On the way home, I was spacing so I accidentally drove to Santa Clara. Am I forgiven, or do you want an eye for an eye. WWAD?
Sep 21, 2011
"Hope they keep you"
On July 15th of 1971, U. S. President Richard Nixon shocked the nation by announcing his intention to visit the People's Republic of China and meet with Chairman Mao. Understandably public reaction was mixed:
Sep 19, 2011
The Art of Seduction
From reddit:
When she comes home from work, she should find you lying naked on a bear-skin rug by the fireplace, rose petals strewn all over, candles lit. If you like you can be strumming a small ukulele, so that when she comes in you can say, 'Oh, I didn't see you there. I was just composing a song to you, my love'. Then remove the ukulele so that she can see your big cock. Then say, 'Oh, I am so sorry, this is just what you do to me.' Then stand up, take her hand with your naked self, and lead her into the kitchen. There, you have prepared a feast - lobsters, the finest caviar which you personally extracted from the black sea the last time the government sent you to the region on a secret mission, chocolate strawberries and champagne. 'Eat, my love' you should urge her, with your inexplicable slightly Spanish accent, 'I cooked this all for you. You are too thin' (girls love to be called thin). While she's eating, take out a small sketchpad. When she asks you what you're doing, say 'Why, I am drawing a portrait of you,' then sigh heavily. When she asks you what's wrong, say 'Nothing, it is just that I have studied with all the great masters, from Picasso to Kinkade, yet I cannot capture the beauty of one such as you.' Then, take her hand again, and lead her to your patio.
More here
Sep 16, 2011
Sauerkraut perfume
Whole Foods is selling goat's milk soap.
I can't wait to buy their kimchi shampoo and blue cheese deodorant tomorrow.
Also, Whole Foods controls you, as you always suspected.
Sep 15, 2011
Sep 13, 2011
Sep 12, 2011
Zuck is gonna code
Zuckerberg doesn't code much for Facebook anymore, the same way that Steve Jobs never hand-coded software for the iPhone. But, as the Groups team was adding the finishing touches to its product, Zuckerberg said he wanted to write a few lines. "Everybody was like, Ohhhh, Zuck's gonna write code," says Feross. Someone set up an easy bug for him to fix-adding a link to a picture, or something-and he went to work. Five minutes passed. Twenty minutes. An hour. "It took him like two hours to do something that would take one of us who's an engineer like five minutes," says Feross. It was like a retired slugger coming back for one last at-bat, for old time's sake, and finding he'd lost more of his game than he'd reckoned. Still, he got props from Feross & Co. for getting his hands dirty.Hat tip to kottke.
Sep 7, 2011
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