When she comes home from work, she should find you lying naked on a bear-skin rug by the fireplace, rose petals strewn all over, candles lit. If you like you can be strumming a small ukulele, so that when she comes in you can say, 'Oh, I didn't see you there. I was just composing a song to you, my love'. Then remove the ukulele so that she can see your big cock. Then say, 'Oh, I am so sorry, this is just what you do to me.' Then stand up, take her hand with your naked self, and lead her into the kitchen. There, you have prepared a feast - lobsters, the finest caviar which you personally extracted from the black sea the last time the government sent you to the region on a secret mission, chocolate strawberries and champagne. 'Eat, my love' you should urge her, with your inexplicable slightly Spanish accent, 'I cooked this all for you. You are too thin' (girls love to be called thin). While she's eating, take out a small sketchpad. When she asks you what you're doing, say 'Why, I am drawing a portrait of you,' then sigh heavily. When she asks you what's wrong, say 'Nothing, it is just that I have studied with all the great masters, from Picasso to Kinkade, yet I cannot capture the beauty of one such as you.' Then, take her hand again, and lead her to your patio.
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